i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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