Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
