JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
