Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
The air taste purple.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
