benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize