My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
