found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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