kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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