I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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