I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I smell like Dick and happiness
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
