They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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