Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
