does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
