Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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