Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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