Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
