you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize