My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
