so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
