Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize