You made me cry and you don't even care
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize