Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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