Me. At least after what I've been through.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
