did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
