Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
