I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
