Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
