**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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