TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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