My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
