if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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