I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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