Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
