He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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