1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize