I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
