im having a threesome with these popsicles
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
