I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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