just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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