Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
