What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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