My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
