I want to have your abortion
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize