Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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