I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
