Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
