I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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