Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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