I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
