I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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