Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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