Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
