love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He passed out mid-signature
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
