You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
