if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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