I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
