I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
