New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
