Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
