well you can't waste a boner
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
