he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize