You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
