This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
