in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize