glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
did i just pee glitter
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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