my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
