Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
