An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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