i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize