if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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