If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
