Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
