and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
